Sunday, September 15, 2013
Back to Basics, One Step at a Time
Too few calories, depression a symptom of bipolar disorder, HIV+ sixteen years, age 54 I sometimes just don't know what's causing the drain. Add to that insomnia, low testosterone, fatigue, anxiety, panic attacks, body fat redistribution, mania, mood swings, I can't remember the others, ah! memory loss, ha!, seriously I call it dead zones borrowed from when your cell phone loses it's signal. Is it that or is it HIV related dementia?
Cycling and not the kind you do on a bike, the kind that's in your head., neuropathy, sciatica, am I seeing things, migraines, Are you dizzy yet?
I make a lot of jokes, a lot of excuses, I'm relying on my doctors to much, I'm popping pills more and more, I joke about it, often saying, "I have a pill for that." and I do. I have pills to fall asleep, pills to bind me, pills to help me manage my mood swings, pills for depression, and then the mother of all pills, those for anxiety and the panic attacks, I've had six, since being diagnosed in 1996.
The first one was after I came out of almost two months in my house, I had just diagnosed and when I finally ventured out, it hit me, I was in a park not far from my house and I swear I was having a heart attack.
"Experiencing a panic attack has been said to be one of the most intensely frightening, upsetting, and uncomfortable experiences of a person's life and may take days to initially recover from.," 1.
The next one was in 2007, then 2010, then 2011, the last two within three weeks of one another--end of August and this past Wednesday. I have to thank an angle in my life, M, when you read this and I know you do, please know it's why I'm writing today's post on back to basics, one step at a time.
Clearly I'm a survivor, to get this far and achieve so much I'm determined M to stop making jokes, stop making excuses and take care of myself.
First on my list, up and out. No emails for breakfast, have you juice, your oatmeal, out on your sneakers and go for a walk and that I did today. I took the bus to main street, Fort Lee, walked 1/2 a mile to the cemetery to visit my folks, fill them in and then I walked 3.6 miles home, for a total of just over 4 miles.
Hydrate, Hydrate, Hydrate, folks when walking take a water bottle, I did and want to make sure you do as well, for more information on walking click --> Here.
1. Panic Attack